STOP sending your kids to YWAM!

 

Memories of Being in YWAM

This is from my journal, 2 1/2 years before I left YWAM. I felt pretty much like this until I got out! I just had to wear a mask for survival! I have healed soooo much! ❤️

If you are considering joing YWAM, watch this video first!

Buttons

When I was about 10, my parents had a birthday party for me. Several children came & brought presents. After the party, I gathered up all the gifts, gave them to my older brother Tom & said, “Here, I don't want this junk! I want a puppy!”. It wasn't long after that that my parents relented & bought our first family dog, Buttons.

Buttons was a friendly dog & would even smile when you would talk to her. We had a postman that would carry his bag of mail with him & give Buttons a ride in his bag around the block. Buttons likes the postman & would smile and sneeze when she would see him coming, happy to see him.

One day, there was a new postman. Buttons smiled as usual, but the new postman took it as a snarl or threat & kicked Buttons. Buttons would never trust a postman again & would bark & get agitated if she saw one, or even a mail truck.

I believe that most of the victims of abuse in YWAM were like Buttons in the beginning of our YWAM experience. We looked upon the leaders as safe & approachable since they were in the “service of the Lord”!

When we were suddenly abused by one or more in leadership, it took away our faith & trust in leaders. For a lot of us, there may always be distrust when is comes to men & women who are in spiritual leadership positions.

What is a YWAM NIKO Course?

Thinking of doing a Nico camp with YWAM?  Read what the experience is like before you decide:

Autumn

My family and I are Americans living in France.

YWAM NIKO Urban Paris

The TLDR is this, we made our YWAM DTS students homeless on the streets of Paris for 3 days.


In telling you all this I am breaking my "vow" to never share what happens in a NIKO camp. Ridiculous. I say "YWAM" but technically this is facilitated through "Kings Kids," a sister organization to YWAM. Whatever the case this was standard for all of our DTSes, including a Crossroads DTS that had elderly students.


I participated 2x as staff and it's one of my biggest regrets, that I was so brainwashed I not only felt this was acceptable but actually beneficial for my students. We begin by telling them to only bring their Bible, good shoes, and warm clothes. The whole thing is shrouded in secrecy.


We show up to a basement, cave, in Paris and have prayer and worship. They are given the "choice" to participate. A line is drawn and they are asked to cross it if they are to continue. This is hideous because absolutely NO ONE knows what it is they are agreeing to. They are given plastic shopping bags from a very low priced french grocery store and told to put everything they will "need" into the bags. Many regret putting anything in the bags at all. Then we take them into a park as it gets late in a very bad neighborhood of Paris, and play team building games while drunks and drug dealers cheer us on. Then they are told to get everything they will need to sleep. With no further explanation. People scatter into the streets gathering cardboard, trash, once they even found an abandoned mattress. After this we take them to an abandoned railroad track near a bridge where they all sleep for the night. After some time we give them army issue sleeping bags. "See guys we will take care of you, trust us." No one believes this is really happening. Anger and tears all around as we go off for a staff meeting. It's fall so its rainy and around 36-40 degrees.


The next day they are marched through the city with various spurts of running and the Paris monuments are pointed out. Again no explanation is given as to what or why this is happening. The staff call it the death march. It's 26 miles (42km), the length of a marathon. It takes all day even up until midnight. Those grocery bags with their belongings are like torture devices at this point and gradually begin to tear a part and items are discarded. The students suffer because they aren't prepared whereas the staff have been working out for months to get ready for this one day. Many former students still suffer from this. One girl lost her toenails, they never grew back right. Another now has arthritis in her knees, she's in her 20s. They failed to obey the "bring good shoes" rule. So it's "their fault." That night to everyone's delight they sleep in the cave. Paris caves are little better than the outside. But at least everyone feels safer.


The next day we have a rigged lottery where staff draws "Bs" and students draw "As" out of a hat. The Bs get a lavish french breakfast and the As eat stale baguette (rock hard) out of a trash bag with water. This is to illustrate unfair privilege. Later that day we take them to a notorious train station to "talk" to people. Homeless people and drug dealers. Extremely dangerous. For lunch they have to panhandle in an outdoor market and aren't allowed to tell the people why or what they are doing. Just that they need food for lunch and have no money. Sometimes they're given discarded food, sometimes money. Often they are berated by angry tourists for being penniless Americans in Paris. Because they can't speak French they have to beg in pantomime or ask tourists.


That night we feed them spaghetti. The next morning it's stale baguette again and they are taken into an abandoned railway tunnel where you can not see anything and asked to run through it on "faith." Many fall and get injured. Then they have to scale a 20 foot fence. Or go back through the tunnel. Of course many fail and have to go back through the mile long pitch black tunnel. Then we debrief. Any complaints are met with stern beratement from the staff about them not appreciating this valuable lesson. Of course those who think it was all wonderful are highly praised.


We take them for showers. Everyone is SO EXCITED until they realize they are showering in a homeless shelter with other homeless men and women. Again lots of confusion as to why 18-22 year old Americans are showering with French homeless people. It's done and everyone is taken to Chinese food for "graduation." They are given diplomas and attaboys. Told they are to swear an oath to never tell anyone about NIKO, even their families. Then we take them back to the base.

The YWAM Experience:

If you are thinking of joining YWAM, PLEASE watch this video first!

From Religion to Relationship

I think the abuse and false doctrines in YWAM were the catalyst that helped purge me of a lot of the religion & led me into a deeper relationship with God. 

Now when I pray, read the Bible or listen to Christian teachings on YouTube, it is because I want to rather than what is forced upon me. I remember how spiritually dead those times of intercession were when the clock seemed to stop.

Now, I spend more than an hour in prayer on my hikes and enjoy doing it. 

Back in YWAM, when we were told we must pray for Muslims, my heart wasn't into it (not that I didn't care about Muslims). Since then, I have made several Muslim friends and pray for them as well on my hikes.

I don't think God was impressed with those dead intercessions when a lot of the people there would have rather been elsewhere as their minds wandered. I think on those mandatory fast days, Jesus would have been with those who would sneak off to McDonald's as well rather than fast with the pious. 

Once, the base director made intercession optional- until he was the ONLY person that showed up for it, so he made it mandatory again.

My relationship with the Lord is based on his love & grace, not the law that YWAM tried to impose on the people.

Motivation

Will YWAM leaders ever realize that love & joy are more motivating than guilt, shame, fear & control?

How one Feels in YWAM

As soon as I saw this sculpture, I related to it immediately as to how I felt in YWAM, empty & hopeless. It's strange how people are volunteers at YWAM but more is expected of them & their personal life is YWAM's business when there is usually less micro-managing at a real, paying job. A life in YWAM is a wasted life.

Peter Pan Syndrome

I was thinking recently that a lot of people who are in YWAM may have the Peter Pan Syndrome. Socially immature persons in their 30's or so who like to enjoy themselves, like teenagers without responsibility. They may want to avoid a serious job or relationship. They are people who are scared of & don't want to grow up. They want to have adventure & fun. They do not want to loose that sense of comfort.

The 12 years I was in YWAM, even though I was obviously growing older, each new school would mostly have students from their late teens to early twenties, so I was around young people all the time & it did not seem like I was growing older since the new recruits usually weren't. There were students who admitted that they came to YWAM Honolulu for the surfing, not evangelism.

After several years of this one suddenly wonders where the years flew & have nothing but stamps in their passport to show for it. You then realize you have little financially or any marketable skill in the real world.

YWAM's Loss

I have recently been thinking about what a loss to YWAM it is through the years to abuse people and push them out of the organization. We are all individuals with individual personalities and gifts that no one else could fill exactly. When they have put us down & rejected us for whatever reason, they are rejecting those who have been made in God's own image, are unique and are perfect in his sight. Whether we are introvert or extrovert, we were made exactly as God intended. No member of the body is more important than any other from the base director to the person who does yard work all day on base. Anyone who's being involved with YWAM knows that leaders & visiting speakers are put on pedestals. YWAM leaders who wanted to mold us into the image they desired are taking away from our being molded in the image of God that he desired.

YWAM's Cycle of Poverty

YWAM tells students that they don't need to go to university after their DTS, as they won't return to YWAM if they get an education. YWAM creates the cycle of perpetual poverty & rarely helps one who's served for years when they have basic needs (Such as using a base car to get to a doctor's appointment).

For the most part, the only people in YWAM who can make it an actual career, buy a house, et cetera are those few charismatic leaders who can profit off having their airfares paid & get a "love offering" to speak at YWAM bases all over the world or have written books & other evangelism materials that they can sell mostly to other YWAMers.


When I first went on base staff at YWAM Honolulu, they wanted us to pay $150. a month but let us pay what we felt we could afford each month so I paid $50. a month. Later, it was a higher, set amount. If you could not pay, "that was God's way of showing you that you should no longer stay there." Also, if you could not pay the full amount, it would carry over to the next month until you were burdened with a large bill for the "privilege" of volunteering to work for them. If you left & had not paid off what you owed, they would send reminder letters until you did!

When one stays in YWAM for years they have nothing to show for it career wise or financially. It is a dead end. If they stay for decades, they usually have nothing put away for retirement. All the while, they will be told that God supplies & will take care of all of their needs. God also gave us a mind & free will. By the time many leave YWAM they are in poverty financially, emotionally & worst of all spiritually.

A YWAM Encounter

Waikiki Beach

Whilst doing laundry this morning in the closest laundromat to YWAM Honolulu I saw a group of about 6 young people I was sure were from YWAM. It did not take long to hear one of them telling a woman they were indeed from YWAM and leaving in a day or two for outreach to India & Nepal.

After the woman walked away, I told her I overheard she was with YWAM. Her face beamed when she answered me in the positive. There was also a young man near her folding clothes. I asked if she had ever googled, "YWAM cult" or "YWAM abuse". Her perky smile quickly faded as she told me she had, but her experience has not been like that. I told her that I had been with YWAM Honolulu 12 years, but "by the time I left, I was spiritually & emotionally dead!" I also told her about starting this group & how there were members who'd experienced similar abuses from bases around the world and that a common theme seemed to be control by base leaders.

I told her & her friend (who turned out to be her new husband she had married just 3 weeks prior to their DTS) to realize that those in leadership positions on base or in the schools are no closer to God than they are and that they have a direct line to him. I also shared how I & others had several times heard leaders say, "God told me to tell you" and, "God told me". Again, I reminded them that they have a direct line to God & how leadership often says things like that as a form of manipulation to get them do as they want.

I said that I it had been several years since I was involved there so it may be better now, as I do not know of anyone at the Honolulu base that is still there when I was & I hoped that it was a healthy environment now. Of course, she assured me that it was a good environment where there was an attitude of servanthood now.

I asked if they still used Joy Dawson's principles to intercession, which they affirmed they did. I said that though the steps are not bad in themselves, but that we do not need to go through a formula or incantation to come to the throne of grace. I gave them examples of the ridiculousness of some of the things people would say they heard from the Lord when going around the prayer group. I also shared about the time I wanted to pray for Russia but was told I couldn't because we were to pray for the pacific & Asia which was the focus of the base. She told me that we should never be prevented from praying what we felt God had placed on our hearts & I agreed.

I told her that when they get back from DTS, not to let the leadership manipulate them to stay on base or school staff unless they felt it was from God & how in the past they have often tried to talk people out of getting a formal education because that was not needed in missions. I also reminded them that the University of the Nations is not accredited & it would do them no good to have a degree from there as most of the "professors" do not have more than a high school education. She seemed to know they are not accredited.

As I was about to leave she told me that God had already spoken to them to stay on after their DTS on base staff. She wants to work in hospitality & her husband in maintenance. They already have the money & were going to buy a home but decided to go into YWAM instead..... I told them that a lot of people who are in YWAM for years do not put anything into savings for when they get older & have nothing when they leave & that even though God calls us to depend on him, we are to be wise when it comes to finances. I told them that they do not realize now, how fast the decades will fly by (They looked no more than 20).

I asked if they had been to Chinatown in Honolulu (as it is an interesting place to go with good, cheap food). She told me, "Oh no, we haven't done any outreaches there & were told it was dangerous!"

I told them that they had it much better being married than having to share a room with 6 or 8 other people. I told them stories of the rat infested house I lived in on base & how we'd sweep the dirt & dust between the cracks in the floor to fall to the ground below.

I wished them well, that hoped that they would have a good outreach to India & Nepal & that they would remain healthy & to remember only to drink bottled water & not to eat anything from street venders unless they saw them cooking it fresh.

Our talk lasted at least 30 minutes & though we were all pleasant enough, I felt emotionally drained by the time I left. Hopefully, if they experience some of the things I brought up, they will remember my words of caution at that time. I hope our talk does not lead to a YWAM nightmare tonight! That was enough "ministry" for me today.

FLDS

Photoshop "fun"!