Meet Matt

Here I am with my friend Matt (who's with the Lord now, due to a stroke) ministering to Aboriginals at Kings Cross on the Summer of Missions we led in Sydney, Australia. We never thought they'd let us lead an outreach because of how we liked to fool around & have fun on base & looked for ways to skip intercession.

With Matt, what you saw is what you got. He loved the Lord but hated the politics & legalism of YWAM & spoke his mind.
 
Matt had his vices he never seemed to be able to overcome but through it all, loved Jesus.
I respected Matt, in spite of his struggles unlike leadership in YWAM who liked to come across as having it all together. Matt was transparent with me about his struggles & I with Matt.

Matt used to get excited about things & say, “This is REALLY livin'!”. I can just imagine Matt walking the streets of gold in heaven & shouting out, “This is REALLY livin'.”!

Is YWAM A Cult Podcast

Listen to the first in a series on exposing YWAM as a cult:

Click HERE to listen!

Buttons

When I was about 10, my parents had a birthday party for me. Several children came & brought presents. After the party, I gathered up all the gifts, gave them to my older brother Tom & said, “Here, I don't want this junk! I want a puppy!”. It wasn't long after that that my parents relented & bought our first family dog, Buttons.

Buttons was a friendly dog & would even smile when you would talk to her. We had a postman that would carry his bag of mail with him & give Buttons a ride in his bag around the block. Buttons likes the postman & would smile and sneeze when she would see him coming, happy to see him.

One day, there was a new postman. Buttons smiled as usual, but the new postman took it as a snarl or threat & kicked Buttons. Buttons would never trust a postman again & would bark & get agitated if she saw one, or even a mail truck.

I believe that most of the victims of abuse in YWAM were like Buttons in the beginning of our YWAM experience. We looked upon the leaders as safe & approachable since they were in the “service of the Lord”!

When we were suddenly abused by one or more in leadership, it took away our faith & trust in leaders. For a lot of us, there may always be distrust when is comes to men & women who are in spiritual leadership positions.

Sexual Abuse in YWAM?!!

CLICK LINK BELOW:


https://medium.com/@rebeccalujanloveless/ywamtoo-my-sexual-abuse-story-f891884af23c

Another Good Blog Exposing YWAM Abuse

CLICK ON LINK BELOW:
https://ryanespringer.blogspot.com/2019/11/culty-is-as-culty-does.html

What is Spiritual Abuse?

I have often heard it asked, “What is spiritual abuse?” Here is my answer:


Spiritual abuse can mean many different things to different people. It usually has to do with control and manipulation. It is causing you to doubt yourself when you are aware that something is not right, making YOU the problem rather than an issue you think needs addressing or not treating everyone as equals in a school or base. Control of relationships when people are adults and not in sinful behavior. Speaking for God so you can not question them, for then you are questioning God. Trying to coerce you into what you should do with your life whether you feel you have that calling or not. Telling you that you do not need a university education to do the Lord's work, so you should forgo college & stay in YWAM. There is a LOT to it. It is not a small box that either one fits in or doesn't. Each person who's been spiritually abused might give a different definition as to what it is.

What is a YWAM NIKO Course?

Thinking of doing a Nico camp with YWAM?  Read what the experience is like before you decide:

Autumn

My family and I are Americans living in France.

YWAM NIKO Urban Paris

The TLDR is this, we made our YWAM DTS students homeless on the streets of Paris for 3 days.


In telling you all this I am breaking my "vow" to never share what happens in a NIKO camp. Ridiculous. I say "YWAM" but technically this is facilitated through "Kings Kids," a sister organization to YWAM. Whatever the case this was standard for all of our DTSes, including a Crossroads DTS that had elderly students.


I participated 2x as staff and it's one of my biggest regrets, that I was so brainwashed I not only felt this was acceptable but actually beneficial for my students. We begin by telling them to only bring their Bible, good shoes, and warm clothes. The whole thing is shrouded in secrecy.


We show up to a basement, cave, in Paris and have prayer and worship. They are given the "choice" to participate. A line is drawn and they are asked to cross it if they are to continue. This is hideous because absolutely NO ONE knows what it is they are agreeing to. They are given plastic shopping bags from a very low priced french grocery store and told to put everything they will "need" into the bags. Many regret putting anything in the bags at all. Then we take them into a park as it gets late in a very bad neighborhood of Paris, and play team building games while drunks and drug dealers cheer us on. Then they are told to get everything they will need to sleep. With no further explanation. People scatter into the streets gathering cardboard, trash, once they even found an abandoned mattress. After this we take them to an abandoned railroad track near a bridge where they all sleep for the night. After some time we give them army issue sleeping bags. "See guys we will take care of you, trust us." No one believes this is really happening. Anger and tears all around as we go off for a staff meeting. It's fall so its rainy and around 36-40 degrees.


The next day they are marched through the city with various spurts of running and the Paris monuments are pointed out. Again no explanation is given as to what or why this is happening. The staff call it the death march. It's 26 miles (42km), the length of a marathon. It takes all day even up until midnight. Those grocery bags with their belongings are like torture devices at this point and gradually begin to tear a part and items are discarded. The students suffer because they aren't prepared whereas the staff have been working out for months to get ready for this one day. Many former students still suffer from this. One girl lost her toenails, they never grew back right. Another now has arthritis in her knees, she's in her 20s. They failed to obey the "bring good shoes" rule. So it's "their fault." That night to everyone's delight they sleep in the cave. Paris caves are little better than the outside. But at least everyone feels safer.


The next day we have a rigged lottery where staff draws "Bs" and students draw "As" out of a hat. The Bs get a lavish french breakfast and the As eat stale baguette (rock hard) out of a trash bag with water. This is to illustrate unfair privilege. Later that day we take them to a notorious train station to "talk" to people. Homeless people and drug dealers. Extremely dangerous. For lunch they have to panhandle in an outdoor market and aren't allowed to tell the people why or what they are doing. Just that they need food for lunch and have no money. Sometimes they're given discarded food, sometimes money. Often they are berated by angry tourists for being penniless Americans in Paris. Because they can't speak French they have to beg in pantomime or ask tourists.


That night we feed them spaghetti. The next morning it's stale baguette again and they are taken into an abandoned railway tunnel where you can not see anything and asked to run through it on "faith." Many fall and get injured. Then they have to scale a 20 foot fence. Or go back through the tunnel. Of course many fail and have to go back through the mile long pitch black tunnel. Then we debrief. Any complaints are met with stern beratement from the staff about them not appreciating this valuable lesson. Of course those who think it was all wonderful are highly praised.


We take them for showers. Everyone is SO EXCITED until they realize they are showering in a homeless shelter with other homeless men and women. Again lots of confusion as to why 18-22 year old Americans are showering with French homeless people. It's done and everyone is taken to Chinese food for "graduation." They are given diplomas and attaboys. Told they are to swear an oath to never tell anyone about NIKO, even their families. Then we take them back to the base.

Spies in the Camp

It has been brought to my attention, once again that there are SPIES in the Spiritual Abuse in YWAM group reporting to YWAM leaders what is being discussed in confidence. That should not scare any of the members as maybe it is the only way they will find out that they are being exposed and the damage they have done!

Having spies in this private, confidential group shows me what cowards they are. Of course I do not know who they are or I would ban them.

For me, I decided long ago that I do not care if what I say in here gets back to YWAM leaders. I know that may not be the same with others, but there is nothing to be afraid or feel ashamed of in exposing abuse & the abusers. We are bringing what was done in darkness into the light! Each time I do it, I feel more empowered.

We all heal at a different pace & it often takes YEARS. I know it has for me! When I confronted the former Honolulu base leader the other day at Safeway about abuse in YWAM it was something I would have NEVER done a few years ago out of fear. Fear of what? Fear that he could still somehow control & abuse me? I am no longer in YWAM. He can not do anything to me! He may not agree with what I shared, but I planted seeds that may one day bear fruit.

He is a weak, flawed human being just like all of us. Some people do not respect boundaries so come in & try and bully us, especially if we are meek & non-confrontational. I choose to take the power back & not allow the bullies to “put me in my place” out of fear.

We will go forward & tell our stories & share where the toxic bases are. The group will continue to grow and the news that YWAM is a controlling, abusive cult will continue to spread.

The YWAM Experience:

If you are thinking of joining YWAM, PLEASE watch this video first!

Free to be Me

 In YWAM, we are often guilt-ed into going long-term as missionaries to a far off country. We are led to believe that that is the highest calling in life & that we do not need an education or skill but just to "obey the Great Commission and GO!".

Those put up on the highest pedestal on base were those who were coming through on furlough from a place like India or Pakistan or even Japan. Those who felt called to be on base staff & do yard work or work in the kitchen were often overlooked as they did their job daily since it was not "spiritual".

We are all individuals & have our own giftings & callings which may or may not fit into YWAM's vision for the world. I remember feeling guilty because I did not think my gift of art was "spiritual" (even though I put together tracts, book covers, T-shirts & other printed materials on base).

I am FREE of that now. I know that when I sit & paint, I am using the gift God gave me & it doesn't need to be something with a religious theme! I am worshiping God when I go on my hikes & spend time in His creation. I am simply being me & that is all that is expected of me. How freeing it was when I realized I did not have to be an evangelist. I have always hated public speaking & hated when YWAM would try & force me to give my testimony at an open air (I never did).

How good it is to just love Jesus and not feel compelled to do something to gain his grace & love but just be me.

From Religion to Relationship

I think the abuse and false doctrines in YWAM were the catalyst that helped purge me of a lot of the religion & led me into a deeper relationship with God. 

Now when I pray, read the Bible or listen to Christian teachings on YouTube, it is because I want to rather than what is forced upon me. I remember how spiritually dead those times of intercession were when the clock seemed to stop.

Now, I spend more than an hour in prayer on my hikes and enjoy doing it. 

Back in YWAM, when we were told we must pray for Muslims, my heart wasn't into it (not that I didn't care about Muslims). Since then, I have made several Muslim friends and pray for them as well on my hikes.

I don't think God was impressed with those dead intercessions when a lot of the people there would have rather been elsewhere as their minds wandered. I think on those mandatory fast days, Jesus would have been with those who would sneak off to McDonald's as well rather than fast with the pious. 

Once, the base director made intercession optional- until he was the ONLY person that showed up for it, so he made it mandatory again.

My relationship with the Lord is based on his love & grace, not the law that YWAM tried to impose on the people.

Laundry Ministry

I just came back from talking to my largest YWAM audience ever! I never talked to that many "heathens" whilst in YWAM. Anyway, I was doing laundry in Manoa where single staff & students have to do their laundry from YWAM Honolulu. I saw a group of 12-15 of them & knew instantly they were with YWAM. (When I was in YWAM one of the perks of the married families was to be able to do their laundry on base.) I saw two girls put at least 10 loads of laundry in a dryer designed for 2 & put in .25 cents, as if they would dry in 6 minutes! I then asked if they were with YWAM, which they confirmed they were. I was surprised that they didn't ask me how I knew or why I would ask. I then told them it would take hours for their laundry to dry with that much in there. 

I was about to leave & my heart started beating faster as I knew I could not miss this opportunity to "testify" to this large group from YWAM. They were sitting down on benches by the door. I walked up to them all and announced, "Have any of you ever googled YWAM abuse or YWAM cult"? It was suddenly very quiet. 2 in the group said that they had done that. One asked me if I had written the blog about abuse in YWAM. I responded, "Which one? There are many!" 

I then told them that I had been at YWAM Honolulu for 12 years and that I has started a FB group about spiritual abuse in YWAM and that there were now over 300 members. I told them that there were a lot of the same stories from bases around the world that experienced abuse. Most were committed by leaders whose heads got too big and would manipulate by saying things like, "God told me to tell you" and "Are you questioning my authority"? I said that the Bible says if someone makes even one prophecy that does not come true, they are not of God. 

One of the young women with blond & pink hair said, "There are abusive people in churches too!" I agreed with her. I told her that is why whenever someone tells you doctrine or makes demands that are not biblical, you are not to accept it. I also shared that there are a lot of young Christians in YWAM who equate God as having the same attributes as YWAM leaders & loose their faith in God as a result. 

I told them that I knew there were some good people in YWAM and there might even be some good bases, though there were none that I knew of for certain that were spiritually healthy. 

I said that in openess & brokeness they want you to confess publicly your past sins- even though they have already been forgiven and washed in the blood of Christ! I told them that often times, those you confess past sins to will hold it against you as if you are still involved in those sins. 

I mentioned how several times I had heard, "Are you questioning MY authority?!!" I told them they have every right to question someone's authority! I said that when I share the gospel with people, I tell them not to take my word for it but look up what I have said for themselves & see if it is true. I brought up the steps to intercession & how dead they were & often people would be shamed into "getting some kind of word from the Lord" and that often times the things there were brought up was just crazy talk. I told them I didn't expect anyone to admit to it, but I was sure there was someone there who hated intercession! 

I shared how I offered to lead a time of intercession once to pray for Russia but was told I couldn't, as the base was not called to Russia (even though they sent a team there about a year later). I also told them how I was involved in a ministry to Mormons on base but the other leaders told the leaders who headed the ministry that the base was not called to Mormon ministry so forbade them to continue it! 

I mentioned to them that there could be someone in their group right now who feels oppressed & abused & wonders what is wrong with them. I said I used to feel that way because I trusted "Christian" authority too much at the time but ended leaving YWAM spiritually & emotionally dead! 
 I also said I had healed a lot since then but still have nightmares of being back in YWAM. 

This whole time they listened intently and said nothing! I said that there may be people there who have a great YWAM experience & how I hoped that that would be the case. 

Though maybe none of them agreed with me, I know I still planted seeds & when it happens, they will remember the "crazy man" who insinuated that YWAM is a cult. 

Finally, I thanked them for hearing me out & for not stoning me & left to a, "Have a nice day"...

Trapped in YWAM

Many people in YWAM are not truly happy & want out. I was in YWAM for years calling out to God to deliver me from that place. I did not have any self-esteem left or think I could make it out in the real world. Finally, after 12 years, circumstances allowed me to leave. People are around leaders who constantly affirm people that they are fulfilling God's highest calling. If one wonders about the future, retirement etc., they are told to "just trust God". I believe in trusting God, but God also gives us our minds he expects us to use. Young people do not realize how 5-10 years of life will FLY by! Most in YWAM are doing nothing about retirement & health insurance. Most YWAMers have little to no savings & might even be in debt to YWAM for base fees, etc. If they are not much use to a base, they will tell them they have to leave to pay off their fees or get a part-time job to do it. If they do something on base that benefits the base such as accounting, they will just let what they owe accrue. If one plans to marry one day, how will a man support his wife & possible family in YWAM? Does he have any marketable skills in the real world to make a living? Most don't & they know if they go into the real world to look for work, they will not find a decent-paying job. As they get older, the fear of making it in the real world increases with lack of employable skills.

Click below for YouTube video:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=49&v=EgrfMBQ2CGg 

 

YWAM is the Road to Poverty for Most

The above quote I found on a Facebook friend's page that was speaking about Mormon missionaries. I quickly knew that it also related to YWAM. People who go into YWAM are volunteers to PAY to WORK there. After a DTS, students are told (Made to feel guilty.) that they do not need to go home & go to university or learn a skill. YWAM knows that those who leave will most likely never return.

Even though those in YWAM are “volunteers”, they are ordered around as if they are paid employees!

There are a very few in YWAM that actually make good money whilst in YWAM if they are good speakers or/and write books. These people often go on the worldwide YWAM speaking circuit, have their airfare & accommodation provided as well as an honorarium. Since they are often well liked in the public eye (regardless of who they are behind their talks & books), they often get more people to donate to them on a monthly basis as well. I do not fault them for this if they have a gift.

Most people in YWAM scrape by to pay their staff or schooling fees, especially if they are not from the first world. If they are in YWAM for years, rarely can they save for retirement or financial disasters. If they have served YWAM for decades & retire, how can they provide for their basic needs? Of course YWAM preaches that God will provide. I believe he will & does provide, but God also gave us a brain he expects us to use. I was in YWAM for 12 years & will never be able to replace the financial, spiritual or emotional harm that was done to me & so many others. Most who leave YWAM after years of service have no marketable skills to make a decent living when they leave.